We've all been there: the day after unplanned sex. Whether you’re gearing to get the hell out of there as soon as humanly possible, need to make the inevitable trek home after an amazing morningtime fuckfest, or just need to head to brunch and slam down a few bloody marys to take away the horrible, horrible pounding in your head… you’re gonna need to go outside at some point… in the potentially night-based selection of clothing you wore last night.
Well, that’s why I’m here: to help throw your broke, drunken, slutty ass a fucking bone. No pun intended.
Before you go out on the town….
1. Try your hardest to stick an extra shirt and/or leggings or skirt in your purse. If you’re not carrying a purse, try & stick it in your coat or jacket, if possible. If it’s summer, you can maybe try stuffing a small tank somewhere, or you can wear a tank under a different shirt the night before.
2. Always bring gum
3. Never wear fake eyelashes or glitter. EVER. There is no conceivable reason anyone over the age of 16 should be wearing glitter anyway. Unless you’re a clown. In which case, ew, you people make me sick.
It’s too late, and you didn’t prepare in the slightest…
1. If you’re wearing a weird fancy & relatively thin layer on top of a tank, if you don’t mind it getting either wrinkled a little, you can try fashioning one of them into a belt or hairtie. Keep in mind, this can go horribly awry depending on the thickness and texture, so if you can, try it on before you go anywhere.
2. Pull a Kate Moss. If you’re wearing a long dress & it rips, make it a minidress and work it. If it’s from Forever 21 or H&M, you can just rip it yourself. Trust me, it’ll probably be the last time you can ever wear it anyway, rip or no rip.
3. In the summer, flip flops are fairly inexpensive and comfortable footwear. Buying these at your nearest opportunity can be a hell of a less price to pay than making the trek in heels you’ve probably injured yourself trying to walk in, in the first place. As a general rule on high heels– if you don’t remember feeling pain the night before, you’re sure as hell going to feel it now.
4. Applying a new layer of mascara can freshen up your face overall, except if your face is already smeared with old mascara, in which case, wash that face off your head, bitch!
5. If possible, borrow a shirt from the person you’ve diddled. Sometime is can be all you need to look normal. Plus, they really didn’t need that shirt anyway…
Happy slutting!
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