I am notoriously hard on my appliances. I admit that I don't pre-rinse my dishes, I expect my washer to wash the fourteen pairs of jeans it claimed to be able to wash in a single load, and I expect my vacuum to pick up any number of dog and cat toys without losing suction.
Based on the latter of the appliance criteria, I bought myself a Dyson. It's purple. A purple vacuum, people. It's just doesn't get any sassier. And I felt very sassy with my Dyson for about six months. I sucked up a few dog cookies that got terribly lodged in my Dyson and you know what? It lost suction. The Dyson dude lies.
Of course I dislodged the cookies, but then it tipped over an this little plastic piece on the side cracked. There are lots of little pieces on a Dyson that easily get knocked out of place and then guess what? It loses suction. The Dyson dude kinda pisses me off now.
Well, the other day my Dyson began making some alarming noises. Very alarming noises that resulted in my dogs running away and hiding under the bed. Now the Dyson had REALLY lost suction.
So I take my $600 Dyson to the vacuum repair shop where I have just paid $122 to get a new clutch and new bearings put in my $600 vacuum. The man says that Dyson vacuums aren't that great and guess what. Over time, they lose suction. And the clutches go out and the bearings get stripped.
Vacuum's have clutches?
Yeah, they do. And they cost one hundred and twenty two dollars. One hundred and twenty two. 1-2-2 dollars. For a vacuum clutch.
The repair guy tries to sell me a new vacuum. The kind they use in hotels and hospitals that never break and suck up everything. It costs seven hundred and sixty two dollars. 7-6-2.
Does it have a clutch? I ask.
Yes, he says. But it will last you for 25 years.
Funny, that's what they said about my Dyson.
From this day forward, I hereby refuse to pay over one hundred and fifty dollars for something that will suck stuff.
Or not.
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