Saturday, March 24, 2007

MOM R.I.P.

My Mom died since I was here last. 

My soul feels heavier, losing my Mom probably has everything to do with that. Even as an adult I could never have prepared myself for the pain, heartbreak and how lost I would feel without her. She annoyed the hell out of me sometimes but all daughters and Mother's experience that at some point I think.

I've never dealt with death very well but this has changed me. It's the only thing that has made me want to do whatever I can to see her again. To hear her voice again...

You know how people say they can tell their loved one is still with them? I don't feel that. All I feel is that I'm still here and she isn't. I can't even write about it without crying.

My Dad saw her though the night after she died, he said he was sound asleep but their little dog woke him up and there she was standing at the end of the bed. He said he felt like he wasn't supposed to see her but that she was there to make sure he was all right and to let him know that she was alright. Then she was gone.

I don't believe it was a dream, I'm sure it was her. But he and my sisters all seem to be dealing with her death better than me, they'll say "she's in a better place, she's with God now."

I know that, I have absolutely no doubt and honestly I'm glad about that. But she isn't with me. And I'm lost. I miss my Mom.

Seems odd, she was with me when my life began and I was with her when hers ended.

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